and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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