In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
