I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
only if we run a train.
done.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
