At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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