Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
