Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
