all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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