I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I will pee on everything he values.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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