dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
