8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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