it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
