I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
