So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
