Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize