Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
