I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Houston, we have a squirter
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
