Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
