if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
