did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
