I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
