i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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