oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
