hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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