It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
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He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I didn't notice because vodka
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The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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