I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
