he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
