Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
