So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
