I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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