I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
