She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
