Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
