My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize