I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
