I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
