When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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