Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
