i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He passed out mid-signature
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
