im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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