I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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