So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
