Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
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Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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