"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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