the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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