what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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