I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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