i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
