Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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