Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he shaved USA in his pubs
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
