there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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