I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
