She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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