I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
where are you?
Hypothermia
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
be right there i have to get my cape
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
