I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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