dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
