i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
