i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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