HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
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i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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