I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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