ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
